If Only

We’ve never really asked how or why Aiya is the way she is. We make the most of the situation we are in, focusing on the silver linings and all the positives that Aiya has brought to our lives. We are firm believers that there is no point in pondering on what cannot be changed or contemplate how life could have been different.

However as I sat in a hospital canteen this week waiting for my daughter to return from being under general anaesthetic, I couldn’t help but think if only. If only life was easier for her.  As a parent the hardest moments are when you feel helpless and unable to make things better or easier for your child. Unfortunately for us, this has been often and every time all we’ve been able to do is wait and see what is written for her. If only…. my list is endless for Aiya. It’s human nature to always want more than we have, but the happiest we are is when we accept that what we have is pretty amazing. It’s pretty amazing that she’s here and there is not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for that, it’s pretty amazing that she smiles and giggles at me now and it was pretty amazing that when she came round from the anaesthetic, she cried as soon as she saw me and then again when she saw her dad. This is such a small thing for most people but for us it showed us that she knows we’re her people, she knows she’s been though something and all she wants is a cuddle from her mum and dad. She’s aware of more in the world than we give her credit for and in that moment she surprised me and I couldn’t help smiling at her reaction.

Whilst she was under general anaesthetic the surgeon tried to reset Aiya’s dislocated hip without surgery which unfortunately did not work, this means she will need surgery at a later stage to correct the hip.  We are still waiting to hear back on the results of the brain MRI. The results for the auditory brainstem response (ABR) showed that her hearing loss has not changed since she was a few weeks old.  My biggest fear was that she would have an allergic reaction to the anaesthetic or the drugs the doctors used however thankfully she was absolutely fine and once she got over the shock of the tube down her throat and being a little groggy, she was back to normal. Another victory for my little fighter!