Aiya’s First Haircut

I was desperate for a little girl when I fell pregnant with Aiya. I would constantly daydream about what it would be like to have a daughter and how it would change my world. I would day dream about shopping with her, lunches, afternoon tea, teenage angst, thinking if my daughter was anything like me there was going to be a lot of temper tantrums through her teenage years.

When the doctors told me that I wouldn’t make it to term with my baby girl I grieved the loss of all the things I dreamed having a daughter would mean to me, I grieved the loss of all the firsts I would do with my little girl, first haircut, having her ears pierced, plaiting her hair.  I grieved the loss that I would never see my daughter wed and all the things I had kept from my own wedding that I intended to pass on to her as an heirloom which meant nothing now.

I’m one of 4 sisters and I live more the 200 miles from them. I miss them every day and I don’t get to see them as often as I would like to. I can rely on my sisters no matter what and they know me better than anyone else in this world. I was desperate for a daughter to replicate this bond in the life I had made without them.  I always felt there was a void in my life because I had left them and moved away, but the moment Aiya was born that void was filled, it was like she was the missing piece. I was already blessed with a little boy and he is my shining light, but Aiya completes our family unit and I’m not sure who we would be if she had not made it into this world – she has made us better individuals and a stronger family

I took Aiya for her first haircut this week, I hope this is the first of many of the things I wished for me and my daughter to have together.