Life has a way of taking over for some of us, stopping us from valuing the most important things. Before Aiya I never seemed to have enough time to pause and appreciate moments, everything was rushed. I was always worried that one day my kids would be grown and I hadn’t stopped to enjoy what should have been the best years of my life. It was this thought that kept me up at night, along with all the other stuff whizzing round my head that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
I yearned for a shift in my life, something that would change my course and make me live a life with more purpose and meaning. Although I had a great job, wonderful family and more than I needed, I always felt that something was missing – that I wasn’t doing this thing called “life” quite right. I wasn’t fulfilled and was striving to find what would make me truly happy. Not outwardly happy in the social media profile way, but truly inwardly content with everything I have and everything I am.
Since Aiya, I have often been asked how I cope but for me it’s not about coping. I see that life has given me a path that is improving me as a person, in which everything I do truly benefits my family and I can see this in my son and my daughter every day. There is a part of me that feels guilty that Aiya has had to pay the price for true meaning to come to mine and my husband’s life and for us to see the world through a different lens, she truly is my Angel.
When I’m doing mundane jobs I can now see the blessings life has given me which were sometimes hard to see before. I take the time to sit and reflect in all the madness, to hear the scarce silences. The favourite part of my day is putting Aiya to sleep for her mid-morning nap, not because she’s going to sleep, but for the 10-15 minutes before she falls asleep. She lies still on my chest, keeping me still. We’re so busy with life that we forget to be still and enjoy the moments when you are. She gently pats my chest as I stroke her hair, comforting me as I comfort her. There are some blessings to having a forever baby. Although she’ll never have the same full future as my son, she will always be my little baby girl and secretly, selfishly, although I’m exhausted, I do wish the two of us can be like this forever.
Project Aiya 